While some people have no problem striking up a conversation with a stranger in the supermarket checkout line or on public transit, small talk doesn’t come as naturally for others—especially those dealing with social anxiety. But even for those comfortable in social situations, making small talk requires some effort.
Fortunately, there are techniques and strategies that can help make initiating a conversation a little easier, like the “FORD” method.
What is the FORD method?
One of the most challenging aspects of making small talk is coming up with something to discuss. That’s where the FORD method comes in. “FORD” is an acronym identifying four near-universal topics you can ask someone about in small-talk situations:
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Family
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Occupation
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Recreation
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Dreams
Normally, this is where I’d credit the person or people who came up with the FORD method, but I was unable to find anything definitive on the technique’s origins.
Anyway, think of the FORD method as a way to jog your memory when your mind goes blank during a bit of small talk. Keep in mind that it’s a tool, not a formula: You don’t have to work through the categories in any order or hit on all four. In fact, some categories are better suited to some situations more than others, so consider the context before launching into your questions, lest you come across a bit robotic. For instance, if you’re making small talk with strangers in a professional context, it’s usually best to avoid questions that get too personal—like those about their families and relationships. But if you’re attending a holiday dinner with your partner’s family and you know their sister has a daughter, it’s probably fine to ask how she’s doing.
It’s up to you to read the person and situation, but here are some entry-level sample questions for each category to get you started:
Family
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“Do you have any siblings?” (If it feels appropriate, you can follow this up with questions like, “Are you close with them?” or “What are they like?” or “Do you get to see them often?”)
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“How is your [mother, father, aunt, etc.] doing?” (Provided you’ve met them before, or the person has mentioned them.)
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“Do you have family in the area?”
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“How did you two meet?”
Occupation
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“What do you do?” then one or more of the following follow-ups:
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“How long have you been working in that field?”
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“How does that work?”
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“What made you get into this line of work?”
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“What’s the best part of your job?”
Recreation
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“What do you like to do outside of work?”
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“Have you read any good books lately?”
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“What’s the best thing you’ve watched on TV recently?” (It could be a TV show or movie.)
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“Do you follow any sports?”
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“Are there any podcasts you’re into at the moment?”
Dreams
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“Where have you always wanted to travel?”
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“What activity have you always wanted to try?”
When to use the FORD method
The FORD method will be most useful when you’re in an unstructured situation and hoping to build connection with someone, says Courtney Morgan, a licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC) and founder of Counseling Unconditionally, a Louisville, Kentucky-based mental health therapy practice.
“Essentially, I would look at it as using ‘waiting time’ for connection,” she explains. This could be in a professional context—like waiting for a meeting to begin at work—or more casual encounters, like walking in the same direction with someone you know, or waiting to pick up an take-out order. Additionally, Morgan says that the FORD method could also come in handy when you’re attempting to gather information.
“This could be about a company you’re interviewing with, a school that you may send your children to, or joining a club,” she says. “This may be helpful when determining if an organization meets your personal values.”
When to avoid the FORD method
Because the FORD method is all about asking open-ended questions and listening attentively to someone’s responses, Morgan points out that it’s not the best option in situations when you or the other person are in a hurry, have any other time limit, or are in an environment that’s not conducive to conversation (e.g. a crowded restaurant). “The person you’re talking to will be less likely to engage with your questions, and may even feel annoyed,” she says.
